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She's a Man, Baby!

note: Zoisite= original version

      
Zoycite= NA dub

Okay, I'm sure that a lot of you have been looking for this page, and some of you need to read it. Zoisite is a man. Yes! I know, that means that HE is GAY. Oh yeah, and Malachite's real name is Kunzite. Oh my god, stop the presses! I know, I was in shock too, but I got over it. So why if I'm so enlightened about the original Japanese version, why do I endorse the corrupt, close-minded dub? Just because that Zoycite is rad. Not just rad, but SuperRad, just like the Aquabats. But what am I jabberin' about here? I'm here to tell you that Zoi is a boy. I've got the first two volumes of the translated Manga, which I'm told is inferior to the original, but I don't have time to learn Japanese, okay? Sue me. Anyway, this is more or less the original Zoisite, and has NO romantical relationship with Kunzite, doesn't kill Nephrite, but does crossdress, but not as Sailor Moon. And by the way, let's clear this up. Although it is hinted at that the four generals/kings were paired with the sailors in Silver Millenium, Zoisite with Mercury, and Mars gets Jadeite, her prior lover and Jupiter nabs Nephrite, hers, Mercury doesn't kill Zoisite. Venus does. She probably has the highest kill count of all the Sailor Soldiers. The four Generals of the Dark Kingdom (read="Negaverse")have a deep history in the Sailor Moon story, they are not the most interesting of characters. That being said, on to the anime.

Now, I've come to the conclusion that the Japanese have perfected the art of the villain. Americains don't have it quite right: they usually end up as being just mean. Not evil. And Zoisite is very creepy and evil indeed in the original version. I've only been able to listen to some sound clips from the original; I haven't seen it, but I've heard enough for me to honestly say that the original Zoisite is on par if not better than the American version. He speaks in a very . . . how do I say it? Ephemeral manner. The voice is done in such a way that you get the feeling in the pit of your stomach that says: eek! hide me! However, because I have not actually SEEN the original Japanese version, nor do I plan to any time soon unless someone I know has it and they're hiding it from me, I can only really give my honest opinion on the DiC version. All I have to say to those who want to heavily bash the NA dub is this: if you don't like it, don't watch it. The changes they made had to be done in order for the show to make it to this country at all. Maybe you've been asleep, but this is the same country which is home to the NRA. The same country in which Jerry Falawell threw a hissy fit becase a Teletubby may lead a homosexual lifestyle. In short, America is a puritanical society.

But heck, Zoycite is the coolest villain chick I've seen. I know not all women have monster breasts. My sister was a gymnast, and at 14, she was not filling up trainer bras, yet she managed to pull the guys in, whilst my girls didn't do me squat (I guess guys don't think that the glowing eye trick is cool :( ). Also, some women just are flat. And, hey so is Zoycite. Well, she managed to fill out that Sailor Moon outfit pretty well, so we have to blame it on the Nega-jacket. If I put on a heavy sweater, I don't exactly look curvacious. Anyway, the breast issue is not a real stretch if you are going to bash DiC for an unconvincing dub job featuring Zoey with a female voice. The voice is cool. The anti-gay sentiment is not. But any how, why Zoycite is cool as a chick. Also, she is the only villain chick to dress modestly, save for Carmen Sandiego. Now for a review: Zoisite=cool Zoycite=cool Born-again Christian values=lame "elites" who will flame me for likeing ZoiChick=pompous what I have to say to them: Nyah nyah nyah nyah.